Dear ...

-FYI, this post uses graphic language. Please skip it if swear words offend you.-

Dear Local Consumers,
       When people post a price with their item on the local buy/sell/trade site, it's because they want that price. (Or close to it). Offering someone $100 on a $500 item because 'you want it but only have $100' is offensive. When people say they're willing to take offers, they mean something close to what they're asking. No one gives a shit if you want it but can't afford it. That's life.

Seriously Pissed Off,
Local Seller

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Dear School Nurse,
       I understand that you are a registered nurse, however you are not a doctor. My son was diagnosed by a licensed neuropsychologist. That means she trumps your opinion.  I understand YOU don't think he has it, but she does. She's the one with the training to recognize it. Get the fuck over it.

Sincerely, 
Momma Bear

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Dear Local Crafter,
       Slapping a coat of flat black paint and a white star on something doesn't make it 'primitive'. Nor does it make the item worth hundreds of dollars. Slap yourself with your paintbrush and wake up. Yes, you. The one who last week bought a table for $10, then threw a coat of paint on it, called it primitive and are now charging $150.

Get A Clue,
Local Consumer

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Dear Other Women,
        Quit fucking judging me because I have 30 extra pounds, most of it around my waist. Quit fucking judging me because I wear my hair in a ponytail at all times. .... because I don't wear makeup.  .... because I don't dress up. Guess what, I'm hot to my husband and that's ALL I give a shit about. Maybe if you quit judging others, you'd be happy too.

Don't Care About Fashion,
Me

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Dear Hemi,
        I love your furry grey behind, but if you don't stop scratching the crap outta this rental house, you're going to get your fingers chopped at the knuckles. Oh, and seriously, the litter pan is 5 inches to the right. Take better aim.

Your Loving Fur Mom,
me

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Dear Bitch,
         Yes, you're a bitch. One day he'll wise up and leave your ass. 'Til then, enjoy the high life. It'll end soon enough. I'll enjoy the show.

Can't Wait 'Til Then,
Mutual Friend

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Dear Daughter of Mine,
          I love you to death, but your tweenage/teenage years are going to put me in a early grave. Enough with the attitude, lying, and backtalk. Please, be the loving girl I know you can be.

Love through it all, 
Mom

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Dear Blog Readers,
          I hope you've enjoyed this. I try not to swear to often on my blog, but I do from time to time. I cannot always warn you when a post will contain swearing, but I will try my hardest. Thank you for being an audience, even if it's only you Grandma. 

Sincerely,
(Wild) Rice

Dear Fill-in-the-blank

FYI, this post uses graphic language. Please skip it if swear words offend you.


My friend Andrea at My Chihuahua Bites has a (now regular) feature on her blog. She's entitled it Dear Douchebag. I think it's hysterical. She writes different people and vents about the way they act, etc. Great way to vent. So, I'm going to be participating myself.


Dear Clerk at the bodyshop,

I understand that I am a woman. However, I am perfectly capable of informing you of the specifics of our truck. -= I =- was the one who was in the accident in it, not my husband. Please quit deferring all your questions to my husband.

Sincerely,
The pissed off chick with the Dodge Ram 2500

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Dear Mother Nature,

I get it. PMS sucks, but please, please make your mind up. I'm sick of one day it being 14F with 5 inches of snow on the ground and two days later it being 53F. Make your damned mind up.

Sincerely,

The one who wants snow

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Dear Husband,

My birthday is in a week. Don't ignore it like you did last year. Yes, even though our son's is the day after, I still deserve a birthday cake of my own.

Feeling slightly stabby,

Your wife

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Dear Ex-husband,

You have no clue. You've ignored your daughters since you walked out in 2005. It's now 2012. 4 visits in 7 years is pathetic. Pay your child support like you're supposed to and the IRS would stop taking your refund. Yes, the IRS. Quit blaming me for it. There are tons of other things I'd love to say to you, but I'll refrain. The girls are figuring out on their own that you're a twat waffle, I don't have to say one word about you.

So glad you're gone,

Me

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Dear blog readers,

Please, leave a comment. I know you're reading. I've had 500 hits in 2 months, and ZERO comments. It's why I've mostly stopped blogging.

Not feeling the love,

(Wild) Rice

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Dear Callie (our cat),

3 AM is not an appropriate time to launch yourself from the headboard onto my head and meow incessantly. You WILL be thrown, repeatedly.

Needs sleep,

Me