Dear Fill-in-the-blank

FYI, this post uses graphic language. Please skip it if swear words offend you.


My friend Andrea at My Chihuahua Bites has a (now regular) feature on her blog. She's entitled it Dear Douchebag. I think it's hysterical. She writes different people and vents about the way they act, etc. Great way to vent. So, I'm going to be participating myself.


Dear Clerk at the bodyshop,

I understand that I am a woman. However, I am perfectly capable of informing you of the specifics of our truck. -= I =- was the one who was in the accident in it, not my husband. Please quit deferring all your questions to my husband.

Sincerely,
The pissed off chick with the Dodge Ram 2500

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Dear Mother Nature,

I get it. PMS sucks, but please, please make your mind up. I'm sick of one day it being 14F with 5 inches of snow on the ground and two days later it being 53F. Make your damned mind up.

Sincerely,

The one who wants snow

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Dear Husband,

My birthday is in a week. Don't ignore it like you did last year. Yes, even though our son's is the day after, I still deserve a birthday cake of my own.

Feeling slightly stabby,

Your wife

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Dear Ex-husband,

You have no clue. You've ignored your daughters since you walked out in 2005. It's now 2012. 4 visits in 7 years is pathetic. Pay your child support like you're supposed to and the IRS would stop taking your refund. Yes, the IRS. Quit blaming me for it. There are tons of other things I'd love to say to you, but I'll refrain. The girls are figuring out on their own that you're a twat waffle, I don't have to say one word about you.

So glad you're gone,

Me

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Dear blog readers,

Please, leave a comment. I know you're reading. I've had 500 hits in 2 months, and ZERO comments. It's why I've mostly stopped blogging.

Not feeling the love,

(Wild) Rice

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Dear Callie (our cat),

3 AM is not an appropriate time to launch yourself from the headboard onto my head and meow incessantly. You WILL be thrown, repeatedly.

Needs sleep,

Me



Welcome to 2012!

Happy New Year! Even though 2012 has been labeled as the end of the world according to the Mayan calendar, I'm hopeful that this year will be better than the last few years. We've been through so much that it's time we had a good year! I'm sure this one will be it!

Dating VS Marriage

This is an older blog post of mine from a former blog I used to write on.

When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue.
When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times.

When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married ....He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going to drink?"

When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public.
When you are married ....He flicks your ear in public.

When you are dating..... A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad.
When you are married ....A King size bed feels like an army cot.

When you are dating..... You are turned on at the sight of him naked.
When you are married ....You think to yourself "Was he ALWAYS this hairy????"

When you are dating..... You enjoyed foreplay.
When you are married ....You tell him "If we have sex, will you leave me alone???"

When you are dating..... He hugs you, when he walks by you for no reason.
When you are married ....He grabs your boob any chance he gets.

When you are dating..... You picture the two of you together, growing old together.
When you are married ....You wonder who will die first.

When you are dating..... Just looking at him makes you feel all "mushy."
When you are married ....When you look at him, you want to claw his eyes out.

When you are dating..... He knows what the "hamper" is.
When you are married ....The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage area.

When you are dating..... He understands if you "Aren't in the mood."
When you are married ....He says "It's your job."

When you are dating..... He understands that you have "male" friends.
When you are married ....He thinks they are all out to steal you away.

When you are dating..... He likes to "discuss" things.
When you are married ....He develops a "blank" stare.

When you are dating..... He calls you by name.
When you are married ....He calls you "Hey" and refers to you when speaking to others as "She" or "Woman"