Dear Fill-in-the-blank

FYI, this post uses graphic language. Please skip it if swear words offend you.


My friend Andrea at My Chihuahua Bites has a (now regular) feature on her blog. She's entitled it Dear Douchebag. I think it's hysterical. She writes different people and vents about the way they act, etc. Great way to vent. So, I'm going to be participating myself.


Dear Clerk at the bodyshop,

I understand that I am a woman. However, I am perfectly capable of informing you of the specifics of our truck. -= I =- was the one who was in the accident in it, not my husband. Please quit deferring all your questions to my husband.

Sincerely,
The pissed off chick with the Dodge Ram 2500

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Dear Mother Nature,

I get it. PMS sucks, but please, please make your mind up. I'm sick of one day it being 14F with 5 inches of snow on the ground and two days later it being 53F. Make your damned mind up.

Sincerely,

The one who wants snow

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Dear Husband,

My birthday is in a week. Don't ignore it like you did last year. Yes, even though our son's is the day after, I still deserve a birthday cake of my own.

Feeling slightly stabby,

Your wife

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Dear Ex-husband,

You have no clue. You've ignored your daughters since you walked out in 2005. It's now 2012. 4 visits in 7 years is pathetic. Pay your child support like you're supposed to and the IRS would stop taking your refund. Yes, the IRS. Quit blaming me for it. There are tons of other things I'd love to say to you, but I'll refrain. The girls are figuring out on their own that you're a twat waffle, I don't have to say one word about you.

So glad you're gone,

Me

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Dear blog readers,

Please, leave a comment. I know you're reading. I've had 500 hits in 2 months, and ZERO comments. It's why I've mostly stopped blogging.

Not feeling the love,

(Wild) Rice

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Dear Callie (our cat),

3 AM is not an appropriate time to launch yourself from the headboard onto my head and meow incessantly. You WILL be thrown, repeatedly.

Needs sleep,

Me



Busy, busy, busy

Well, I've already dropped the ball for 2012. Sorry that I haven't been updating. We've had a crazy hectic few weeks here. On January 5th, I was driving home from Wal-Mart. The guy behind me wasn't paying attention and when I stopped for traffic in front of me, he didn't. He plowed into the rearend of the truck at 40 mph. Luckily, neither Alvin nor I were hurt. Nor was the truck, amazingly. The only damages were Alvin's carseat had to be replaced and our hitch was obliterated.

January 8th was Eric's birthday AND the Broncos/Steelers playoff game. Eric got his birthday wish and the Broncos won. ( I got my revenge the next week when the Patriots wiped the floor with the Broncos)

Eric's blue and orange birthday cake.

Then, it was on to January 11th. The day Eric wrecked the Corolla. It was raining rather badly and he slid off the road and OVER a traffic sign. The Corolla was pretty beat up and is still in the bodyshop being repaired.

Our poor car :(

Since then, we've been a one car family. Because of that, nothing much is really going on here. Eric driving the truck 100+ miles a day has been really hard on our finances. So, we aren't doing much of anything. Now that I'm caught up, I hope to post more regularly. I have TONS of crafting projects planned for this year.



Neutrality

I know I havent been around much. I will have plenty of makeup posts. Trust me. Right now? I need to vent.


I'm sick of people claiming neutrality, and then taking a side. You cant say in one breath that you arent taking sides, then in another pick one by using a weak excuse to justify it. That's not neutrality. Neutrality is picking ALL sides or NONE.

Trepedation

I cant believe that it's December 14th already. Tommorrow we head to Boston Children's Hospital to visit the NF clinic in the Genetics Department. Ya'll I am apprehensive and excited all at the same time. I dont know what to expect from this doctors visit. I'm scared that after all this lead up, I'll be let down. That we'll walk out of there without answers. All the doctors we've seen thus far have either been A) off their rocker or B) didnt know a thing about neurofibromatosis. Granted, we still dont know 100% for sure that is what Alvin has, but all signs point in the direction. Hopefully, we'll have more definitive answers tommorrow. At least I hope anyway. I'm sick of the roller coaster of not having definitive answers. I'm sick of the "We think...". These people are specialists in NF, surely they will know what the hell is going on. I'll be posting tomorrow all about the visit, once we get home, on Alvin's blog. I'll link up here so that you can click over from here. Those of you who are friends on FB should get real time updates. Please keep us in your thoughts tomorrow.

Here's to the Heroes Petition

My friend Roni has created an online petition to try to get Anheuser Busch to included retired military in their Here's to the Heroes: Hero Salute. This program offers active duty a complimentary admission to a AB park of their choosing for one day, and includes up to 3 family members. Shouldnt our retired deserve the same respect?

You can read (and sign) the petition at: Here's to the Heroes petition There is an option to appear anonymous if you wish. Please, take a second to say you support your retired military too.

I've come to realize...

Stole this from Andrea @ My Chihiuahua Bites. It's a MeMe, and I figured it might give people slightly more insight into my mind.

I've come to realize that my body is a disaster area. I used to be so proud of it, but now I'm overweight and have the dreaded mommy pooch.

I've come to realize that my job is never ending. No, I dont have a -real- job, but I am the SAHM mom of 3 children.

I've come to realize that when I'm driving I zone out. It's like a little bit of zen. I just tune everything out but the radio and drive.

I've come to realize that I need a housekeeper. I just cant keep up with the housework by myself. I try to keep it tidy, but I fail miserably. 3 kids, 2 dogs, 3 cats alone is too much.

I've come to realize that I hate it when things dont go as planned. I have these ideas in my head and when they dont go how I plan it, I get all frustrated. Plans, vacations, leave, housework, landscaping, anything. If it doesnt go how I envisioned, I get upset.

I've come to realize that if I'm drunk that it probably only took 1 beer. I dont drink often at all.

I've come to realize that money is a commodity that I never have. We did this geobach to save money (which we are doing) but Eric losing sub/sea/pro pay is really hurting our financial outlook.

I've come to realize that certain people are better left in the gutter where they belong. They seem to thrive on drama and discontent. I will never understand the need to make people feel like crap or the need to have drama. Please, get over yourself. We all know you're just a drama llama. (I know you read this blog too, and yes, I'm talking to you.)

I've come to realize that I'll always remember my grandfather. I miss him terribly even to this day. I miss our walks. I miss his songs. I just miss him. I sometimes wonder if things in my life would be better had he lived longer. I wish he could have been there to see me graduate. I wish he could have been there to see my children come into this world. I wish that he could have been there to see me marry Eric. I know Grandpa would be proud of me today. I just wish I could see him.

I've come to realize that my sibling(s) is a drug addict who is never going to get better. He's been through several different rehabs and is still addicted. I know that I'm probably going to bury him before I bury my parents and that thought scares me.

I've come to realize that my mom is the same as my brother. She is a drug addict who is never going to get better. She lives her life working various jobs just long enough to get unemployment saved up. Then leaves and drinks all her money away. After her last delusion, I wrote her out of my life.

I've come to realize that my cell phone is my lifeline. I panic when I misplace it. I am nothing without my phone. It's how I talk to people. It's my calendar, my schedule. It's my life for the most part.

I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning I was alone. That I will be alone for a long time to come. Yes, Eric comes to visit just about every month, but 98% of the time, I am alone. I hate it. Especially because there is no end in sight for this geobach.

I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep I didnt get everything done I wanted to do and because of that, I wouldnt sleep well.

I've come to realize that right now I am thinking that I hate this geobach. I hate the Navy for keeping us in limbo for going on 8 months. I hate the economy for keeping a buyer from purchasing my house. I hate Ohio. I miss Connecticut. I miss my friends.

I've come to realize that my dad did the best he could with what he had. I hated him for the longest time because all his time was spent on Russell. I understand now why.

I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook I spend the first 5 minutes trying to get it to update my newsfeed correctly. I hate it when they change crap on there.

I've come to realize that today will hopefully be better than yesterday. Yesterday was an overall bad day. I spent most all day yelling at Emali.

I've come to realize that tonight will be spent alone again. Yes, I have my children, but a woman can only listen to so much kidspeak before she goes insane.

I've come to realize that tomorrow might be a good day. The sun is supposed to shine! Tomorrow I want to paint the master bedroom and I need warmth to do it!

I've come to realize that I really want to win the lottery. But, I havent played it, so it's hard to win if you dont play. I just want to win enough to pay the bank off for this house so I can live with my husband again. Is that too much to ask???

I've come to realize that the person most likely to repost this is unknown to me. I really have no idea who will repost this.

I've come to realize that life is a journey. I love my life with my husband. I love that we got to pick up and move to Connecticut. That we might get to move to Texas, or Florida, or California or anywhere else because of his job.

I've come to realize that this weekend will be busy. I have TONS of projects planned. I just hope the kids cooperate and let me work on them!

I've come to realize that the best music to listen to when I'm upset are things like Metallica, Disturbed, Lady Gaga, etc. Anything that is either upbeat enough to get me dancing, or po'd enough to allow me to vent my feelings.

I've come to realize that my friends are wonderful! Whether you are a real life friend, a Facebook friend, a blog friend, or a Darkwind friend, you are awesome. You guys keep me going when I get down and I think that's great. Keep it up!

I've come to realize that this year isnt going to be the best year of my life. I'm ok with that though. I have many more years ahead of me.

I've come to realize that my husband isnt a robot. He just needs to be online and 600 miles away to express emotion. I still love him death though. He's funny, he's slightly offbeat, and he's all mine.

I've come to realize that maybe I should take better care of myself. I drink a lot of Pepsi. I eat out A LOT. I excersize (hello! P90x!) about 3 or 4 days a week, but I need to be healthier. I'm 30, not 20. My kids need me.

I've come to realize that I love plants. I love landscape design. I love getting dirty. I love digging the hole, planting the flower, spreading the mulch. I just absolutely LOVE IT. I am actually considering going back and getting a degree in horticulture.

I've come to realize that I dont understand why Eric's family is the way they are. I dont understand how my MIL could never take a chance to get to know me. I dont understand how things with Sammi went so horridly wrong. I dont understand WHY some of them have chosen one brother/son over another. I dont understand how a family that was so close can be so far apart now.

I've come to realize that my past is my past. It made me stronger. It made me who I am today.

I've come to realize that parties arent a party of my life. Never will be. I dont like most people enough to have them and I dont drink so I dont go to most ones where it's a 'kegger'.

I've come to realize that MY life is just that: mine.

Busy, busy, busy.

So yeah, been busy. Crazy busy. Insane busy. Been trying to move stuff down to the new house so that the only things left to move at the end of the month are the big things. Ie, dressers, beds, washer, dryer, etc. everything else, save maybe a week's worth of stuff, I want to try to have moved by the 20th. That way, I can have that weekend to put it all away. Then take a week to rest, and move all the big stuff the last Fri/Sat of the month. I am so excited to actually live in a house that I dont have to worry about drafts, mold, lead paint, etc.

Anyway, I am almost halfway through the week from hell. I have to go to New Haven tomorrow for Alvin's GI appointment. Thursday is Dentist at 10 and visiting nurse at 12:30. Then going out for Alvin's 1 year Bday with J and K. Friday is Alvin's 1 year appointment at the NACC at 9am, and then his sweat test down at Yale(New Haven again) at 12:30. Then, its on to more moving all weekend long. *sigh* I am so busy that I am forgetting to eat. I am feeding the kids, so no worries there. But I cant seem to take the time to feed myself. Bleah. Oh well, maybe I will lose some weight.

Anywho, wish me luck, patience, and understanding. This week just absolutely sucks.

Feels good...

to get it off my shoulders.

Yes, yes, it does. I finally swallowed my pride and gathered the courage to call my sister-in-law. She didnt answer, but she did call back! We talked for a couple of hours about everything that had gone on, everything that was planned to go on. Well, about everything really. I feel so much better now that we talked. So, Karen, if you read this. "I love you! Thanks for taking a couple of hours out of your time to talk to me."

Now, onto something that is bugging me. I have been getting regular emails from Eric. But, apparently, he isnt getting any from me. I send 1-2 a day so I can only assume that 1) they are sending, not receiving, or 2) they are withholding my emails for some reason. I am going to assume its 1, because 2 is just wrong in so many ways. Is this normal? For them to send but not receive? I just feel so bad because the last one I got was him begging me to email him. *sigh* Made me cry, oh yes it did. Hopefully, they are just not receiving and when they do, he will get spammed. But seriously, is that normal? Cause yeah, I have no clue.

A Ode to Ohio

Its winter in Ohio

And the gentle breezes blow

Seventy miles an hour

At twenty-five below.

Oh, how I love Ohio

When the snow's up to your butt

You take a breath of winter

And your nose gets frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful

So I guess I'll hang around

I could never leave Ohio

Cause I'm frozen to the ground.

One of those days

Yes, this is going to be a beatdown, depressing post. So, feel free to turn back now.

Today is one of those days. I hate my life, I hate the Navy, I hate that I am the one that has to deal with everything. I sit here and look at my children and ask myself, "Why in the hell did I think it was going to be ok to raise these kids without a father?" No, I know they have one. Eric is a wonderful father and a fantastic husband. But, he isnt here. He is an email every couple of days, a picture on the wall, and dirty clothes in the basket. He is a voice on voicemail, a save game file on the Playstation and an empty spot in the bed. Yet, I love him more than I thought possible. I just hate that I have to do this alone. Find a house, sign the lease, pack up this house, move to the new house, sell the Jeep, sell the Kia, transfer Emali's school file, take Alvin to Yale, take Alvin to Cranial Tech, take Alvin to other random appointments, try to find SOME time to spend with Erin. Housetrain the dog, take the cats to get spayed, call housing to argue that we are eligible for a move, etc etc etc.

I know I can do it. Its not that. I want Eric to be a part of it. I want him to be here. I want a husband, not a part time husband. So, today, I sit here and wallow. Yes, its a funk. It will pass as fast as it has come. But, for right now. I despise the Navy. I despise being away from my family. I want a normal life. Then again, maybe I dont. I dont know. Just right now, I want my husband home.

We have a house!

Well, a townhouse. And its brand new! Woo hoo! I go on the 30th to sign the lease and get the keys. I dont know why, but I am really nervous about it. Its in the brand new housing that is down by the youth center on Rt 12, so Eric should definately be able to ride his bike to work this spring/summer. I know he'll love that. He missed out on riding his bike alot this past summer because work was so far away. The only bad thing so far that I have noticed is that we dont have a yard. Just a giant baseball field back there. That is going to be weird. Ever since the girls were little, we have always had at least 3/4 of an acre of yard for them to play in. So, not having that will take some getting used to. I am really excited about moving, but I am apprehensive as well. This is going to be our 4th move in 2 years. Emali's 4 th school in 2 years. I feel so bad for her too. We had promised her that we wouldnt be moving her once we got to Connecticut. And here we are, moving her yet again. Oh well. Hopefully, we wont have to move again for a while after this one. I emailed Eric to let him know that we got a house. I hope he is ok with it.

Its the townhouse right there in the middle. Thank Karen(SWC) for taking the picture for me.

Happy Holidays

http://www.123greetings.com/events/christmas/merry_christmas/christmas77.html

Um...where'd ya go?

Nowhere really. Just been insanely busy around here. Eric had a boat holiday. Which, for those not in the know, means that the boat had some days off. No work. Still had to pull duty, but hey. That isnt so bad to have your hubs around for the better part of 5 days.

So, what all have we done in the past week?

We are furiously cleaning and organizing the house. Some people do this in the spring. I tend to do it towards winter when I notice that the night comes way too close to when Emali gets off the bus from school. The doldrums set in and I realize that for the next 5 or so months, our house will be our oasis from the ickiness that is sure to creep in outside. I love snow, but I hate the dark and cold.

Also, Eric's Dad and Step-mom have hinted that they are coming for Thanksgiving. So, that will be interesting. I had already scoured the stores to find a turkey just the right size for the 5 of us. (did you know its virtually impossible to find a turkey under 10 pounds?). Now, I have to go on the search again, cause the 6 pounder I actually did manage to find wont be big enough. Now, I could just get one of those monster 14+ pound turkeys. Problem with that. I have a 15in wall oven. It just wouldnt fit.

Then Saturday, I went to the Lia Sophia party at Samantha's house. MMmmmmmmm, cheese and wine and jewelry. Well, ok. The jewelry part really isnt all that much my favorite, but the brie she had was! Yummy. I did end up ordering a slide that perfectly matches my engagment ring and a necklace with a very interesting pendant. Then, it was off to shop. BY MYSELF! woo hoo! No kids for a whole afternoon. Dont get me wrong, I love my kids, but sometimes, you just need a break. Time for yourself where you dont hear "Mommy, mommy, MOMMY!"

Sun, Mon, and yesterday. Kind of a blur. I really dont remember what we did. But, I know it involved cleaning and relaxing. The one thing I do remember is. We got Emali's hair cut. She looks wonderful.

Where has the time gone?

So, I just realized that its been close to a week since I posted. GASP. Wow, I have been so busy that I havent even realized that I hadnt posted. (wow, that sentence was horrid). So, yeah. This past weekend was friend encounter after friend encounter. Both mine and the kiddos. Breakfasts and lunches and random sitting on the couch distracting poor Ken from his football game. Sorry Ken!

Then onto the beginning of this week, which led to grocery shopping ($350!) and clothes shopping (winter clothes) and then the culmination so far. Erin discovered Build A Bear. Oh yeah, so she is now the proud mommy of her very own stuffed Kitty. Go Erin!

And the winner is......

Well...it looks like we had a tie actually. Both the Alpine boy and the Monkey got equal votes. So, once Eric gets him home, I am going to allow him to be the tie breaker. Woo!

Ok, so, I won this awesome sweater on Ebay for Alvin. Woo hoo! He is going to look so cute in it.

Granted, its a 6-9 month size. So, here is to hoping he is actually big enough to wear it this winter. I just think that with those beautiful blue eyes of his, that this will be handsome on him.

Not much else is going on. Just counting down the days until our anniversary. Starting to plan for the holidays and bunches of other things.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

So, for the third dreary day in a row, I decided that the kids were going to just go insane. So, off to Chuck E Cheese we went. There is no pic of Emali cause she wouldnt sit down long enough for me to get a pic. And, she was running full speed ahead of Erin is the run-by pic. But, they were too fast and all I got was Erin.




Yes, this is my ugly mug. Erin wanted to take a picture. I dont think she did bad.

The other woman

So, Eric's other wife allowed me a few short moments before she took him back into cold embrace. *sigh*. He was able to finish shut down and come home for the night, but had to go in today and today is a duty day. Oh lucky me. She gets more of him than anyone else does. See! Told you she doesnt share well.

We are planning on heading out of here early on Saturday morning to head to Ohio. While I am looking forward to the trip, I am also aprehensive about what lies there. But, that is a bridge we will cross when we get to it.

For now, I am going to go put my feet up, lie down, and read a book. Emali is at school, Erin is asleep, and so is Alvin. ahhhhh peace and quiet.

The weekend

So, the weekend went wonderfully. I got recharge my batteries, so to speak. I went to Taco night at Sam's on Saturday, without the girls! (Thanks Ken!) Was able to meet a bunch of funny, interesting, wonderful women. Thanks so much Samantha for inviting me! Yes, Alvin was too interested in Becky to even look Chloe's way. Sorry! Today, I went and did the Walk/Run for the Fallen at Bluff Point State Park. It was nice. Got to meet alot of great people! So, now its time to start a new week. Last week of summer break for Emali. Then its back to school on the 2nd. Little Alvin has a doctor's appt on the third. I cant wait to see how big he has gotten in the last 2 months.

Sorry this isnt all that informative. I am exhausted after this weekend and am ready for bed.

the things they do....

Ok, day started out wonderful. I got to sleep in! til 7am! woo hoo! After going to bed at 7pm, I really thought that Alvin would wake up early. Luckily, he slept until 7am. It was wonderful. So, i get up, feed and change him, put him in his little Jumperoo for some amazing play time and check my email. Yay! Email from Eric! He talks about his day, major boring stuff, but still, I like being included in how his days go. Then we get to this line:

"that hug sounds really good right about now, i have beeen trying to hug different guys to try to find one that hugs like you but so far no dice."

Really? That is sooo freaking funny. I can picture him doing this as well. Just hoping it doesnt freak anyone out. That was the start to my day, laughing my ass off at my husband's antics.

Then we move on to this afternoon. Apparently, the girls left the side door open and our cats got out. *sigh* After a short trip to the grocery store, both were lured back home with the appetizing scent of gourmet wet cat food. *yuck* At least they are home though.

I decided to ~not~ make the spaghetti for the meeting tonight. I am however making Spaghetti Pie. It is soo easy to make too.

INGREDIENTS:

1 lb. ground beef
1 cup chunky salsa
1 cup garden variety spaghetti sauce
3 cups hot cooked spaghetti
1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1 egg, beaten
1 tbsp. margarine OR butter, melted
1 cup ricotta cheese
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

DIRECTIONS:

COOK beef in skillet until browned. Pour off fat. Stir in salsa and pasta sauce. Heat through.

MIX spaghetti, Parmesan cheese, egg and margarine. Spread on bottom and up side of greased 10" pie plate. Spread ricotta cheese in spaghetti shell. Top with beef mixture.

BAKE at 350°F. for 30 min. or until hot. Sprinkle with mozzarella cheese. Let stand 5 min. before serving. Cut into wedges.

I normally double this and put it into an 8x8 casserole dish. Yummy! My mom came up with this when I was kid and I just LOVE it.

rambling

So, yeah, the girls decided that Alvin needed to go for a ride in an inflatable pool ring. They inflated it halfway and 'bounced' him. He just looked too cute in it, so I figured, "what the hell" and took a picture. The second one is him right after a bath. He is totally rocking the spiked look. You gotta love those big beautiful blue eyes. He hates bath time, but the opportunity to get a good pic was upon me, so once again, my trusty camera was clicking away. As you can see, they were definately having a good time.

I have been listening to Josh Turner's "Long Black Train" all afternoon. Boy oh boy. I really need to remember that listening to Josh Turner while Eric is gone only makes me even more upset. That deep voice only reminds me what it sounds like when Eric sings. *sigh* So yeah, I ended up dissolving into a giant puddle of tears yet again. Luckily, the girls were busy playing by themselves and Alvin was napping at this point. I hate to let the kids see me cry. All it does is upset them even more.

Another point of concern, my arm. For the past couple of days, my right hand has been spazzing out on me. For no reason whatsoever, it will jam up into a fist and clench a couple of times, then release. It does this about 3 times an hour. But, like every 2 minutes, my thumb just jams into my palm. Like stick your thumb straight out like you are displaying all your fingers, yeah, mine goes from that, to straight tucked in as far as it can get. Its starting to worry me, but, I dont really want to go to a doctor for muscle spasms. Seems kind of silly.

I have to potluck at the FRG meeting tommorrow. I am supposed to make spaghetti for it. We shall see if I actually get around to making it this time. Well, I ~did~ make it the time before, I just left it at home like a dummy. We shall see! Will I triumph over what I have begun to call 'stupid brain syndrome'? Tune in tommorrow.