"hey baby,

just wanted to tell you i love you. i hope you had a great weekend! i

miss you and can't wait to see you when i get home.

i love you always

eric"

What a wonderful way to start the day! I hadnt received anything from him a couple of days and then WHAM! I get 3 in my inbox this morning. Gotta love SailorMail. *groan*

So, what have I been up to?? Went to Jeannie and Ken's last night. Jeannie cut my hair and the girls' hair. I cant thank you enough J! I am sorry I killed your scissors though.

This week and next week are going to be horridly busy. Thank god. I need something to do. Emali starts school on Tuesday. (Woo hoo!) and Alvin has a doctor's appointment on Wednesday. So, yay me! Stuff to do!

The weekend

So, the weekend went wonderfully. I got recharge my batteries, so to speak. I went to Taco night at Sam's on Saturday, without the girls! (Thanks Ken!) Was able to meet a bunch of funny, interesting, wonderful women. Thanks so much Samantha for inviting me! Yes, Alvin was too interested in Becky to even look Chloe's way. Sorry! Today, I went and did the Walk/Run for the Fallen at Bluff Point State Park. It was nice. Got to meet alot of great people! So, now its time to start a new week. Last week of summer break for Emali. Then its back to school on the 2nd. Little Alvin has a doctor's appt on the third. I cant wait to see how big he has gotten in the last 2 months.

Sorry this isnt all that informative. I am exhausted after this weekend and am ready for bed.

Break

It's official. I need a break. I need forget that I am a navy wife. I need to forget that my husband is never around. I need friends and gossip and a good time. I need to just forget, for one minute, that I am alone. That I am raising three kids alone. And that I love my husband so much that it's killing me inside.

I need a break.

hold you until you get sick of me

Well, I dont know if today was a washout, or a success. I managed to completely clean the backyard and the kitchen. Yet, I feel like I didnt do enough. The day started out completely horrible. I had BAD nightmares last night. Horrid ones. The sub was sinking and I was watching all the guys drown, even Eric and yet there was nothing I could do about it. That teaches me to watch Olympic diving before I go to sleep. I am hoping that tonight goes better, but who knows. I will have two little girls sleeping with me.

Oh yeah, that is right. Both the girls are planning on sleeping with me tonight. Why? Cause we are having a Camp Rock party. What is Camp Rock you ask? Its a Jonas Brothers movie. Sigh, when did she get old enough to like boys? Better question, why didnt I notice she was getting that old?

The bright point of my day was the email from Eric. I live for his emails. Why? Cause phone calls just dont happen while underway. Kind of makes me want him to be on deployment. At least then you get to talk to them every now and then. Granted, mission blackout sucks. Anyway, back to the email. So, this is what he writes to me:

"i think the day we get back i want so pasta if your up for it!!!! then we can talk over dinner about the next week and spend time with the girls and stuff at the same time it would be good. i miss you so mu!ch. i just want come home and hold you until you get sick of me. then hold you so more."

Sigh.......its nice to be loved. And nice that he appears to be in a good mood. I dont have the heart to write him back that coming back isnt for a while yet. I think he knows. Its just better to avoid talking about it. Granted, we get a whole $250 dollars for him being gone. Yeah, like $250 is gonna replace my husband. Seriously, what kind of fucking joke is that? Hey, we are going to take your husband away for a while, here is a pittance to help you. Yes, I know I shouldnt complain because civilian wives dont get that. Yes, and civilian wives dont generally go without speaking/seeing their husbands for months at a time.

Ok, enough of that rant. On to another. Still no word on when our money is coming in. Guess I just have to have Eric deal with it when he gets back. Grumble, we could really use that money. Ok, enough of ALL the ranting.

I am getting excited. I get to have a couple of hours sans girls this weekend. Thank God. Ken has be voluntold to watch them so Jeannie and I can head over to Sam's for Taco Night. Woo woo! Toss me a Corona. I am ready to NOT be a mom for a couple of hours. Ok, so I will have Alvin so I have to behave, but I am still ready. Still have to figure out what is meant by Mexican attire though. *ponder*

Ok, off to watch Camp Rock with the girls!

the things they do....

Ok, day started out wonderful. I got to sleep in! til 7am! woo hoo! After going to bed at 7pm, I really thought that Alvin would wake up early. Luckily, he slept until 7am. It was wonderful. So, i get up, feed and change him, put him in his little Jumperoo for some amazing play time and check my email. Yay! Email from Eric! He talks about his day, major boring stuff, but still, I like being included in how his days go. Then we get to this line:

"that hug sounds really good right about now, i have beeen trying to hug different guys to try to find one that hugs like you but so far no dice."

Really? That is sooo freaking funny. I can picture him doing this as well. Just hoping it doesnt freak anyone out. That was the start to my day, laughing my ass off at my husband's antics.

Then we move on to this afternoon. Apparently, the girls left the side door open and our cats got out. *sigh* After a short trip to the grocery store, both were lured back home with the appetizing scent of gourmet wet cat food. *yuck* At least they are home though.

I decided to ~not~ make the spaghetti for the meeting tonight. I am however making Spaghetti Pie. It is soo easy to make too.

INGREDIENTS:

1 lb. ground beef
1 cup chunky salsa
1 cup garden variety spaghetti sauce
3 cups hot cooked spaghetti
1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1 egg, beaten
1 tbsp. margarine OR butter, melted
1 cup ricotta cheese
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

DIRECTIONS:

COOK beef in skillet until browned. Pour off fat. Stir in salsa and pasta sauce. Heat through.

MIX spaghetti, Parmesan cheese, egg and margarine. Spread on bottom and up side of greased 10" pie plate. Spread ricotta cheese in spaghetti shell. Top with beef mixture.

BAKE at 350°F. for 30 min. or until hot. Sprinkle with mozzarella cheese. Let stand 5 min. before serving. Cut into wedges.

I normally double this and put it into an 8x8 casserole dish. Yummy! My mom came up with this when I was kid and I just LOVE it.

rambling

So, yeah, the girls decided that Alvin needed to go for a ride in an inflatable pool ring. They inflated it halfway and 'bounced' him. He just looked too cute in it, so I figured, "what the hell" and took a picture. The second one is him right after a bath. He is totally rocking the spiked look. You gotta love those big beautiful blue eyes. He hates bath time, but the opportunity to get a good pic was upon me, so once again, my trusty camera was clicking away. As you can see, they were definately having a good time.

I have been listening to Josh Turner's "Long Black Train" all afternoon. Boy oh boy. I really need to remember that listening to Josh Turner while Eric is gone only makes me even more upset. That deep voice only reminds me what it sounds like when Eric sings. *sigh* So yeah, I ended up dissolving into a giant puddle of tears yet again. Luckily, the girls were busy playing by themselves and Alvin was napping at this point. I hate to let the kids see me cry. All it does is upset them even more.

Another point of concern, my arm. For the past couple of days, my right hand has been spazzing out on me. For no reason whatsoever, it will jam up into a fist and clench a couple of times, then release. It does this about 3 times an hour. But, like every 2 minutes, my thumb just jams into my palm. Like stick your thumb straight out like you are displaying all your fingers, yeah, mine goes from that, to straight tucked in as far as it can get. Its starting to worry me, but, I dont really want to go to a doctor for muscle spasms. Seems kind of silly.

I have to potluck at the FRG meeting tommorrow. I am supposed to make spaghetti for it. We shall see if I actually get around to making it this time. Well, I ~did~ make it the time before, I just left it at home like a dummy. We shall see! Will I triumph over what I have begun to call 'stupid brain syndrome'? Tune in tommorrow.

*cry*

Wow, I am a posting fool today. I cant help it. I was getting ready for bed and just had to check my email. Anyone with a loved one in the military knows that overwhelming urge to check it a million times a day. So, there was one there. General boring stuff for the most part. How his work day went, how he hasnt slept in two days, etc etc. Then we get to this part:

"i looked at the pictures on my palm today, it!was nice to see you, i need to update that with new photo's. i'm glad i brought the dvd of the family. i love it.i miss you so much it hurts. i love you."

SLAM...like a knife through the heart. I couldnt help it. I found myself, and still find myself, sitting here bawling. I havent cried since the third day after he left and yet, here I am. Crying my eyes out. Why? Because he feels the same way I do.

*cry*

Poison

Ok, so after my talk with Jeannie and Sam today...well, more like they beat this into my head! I have decided that poisoning my life with all this drama from back home is doing nothing for my mood. So, bye bye poison. Cause you know what is worse that someone despising you? Someome forgetting about you. If they despise, they still feel. I certainly have felt enough where it is all concerned and its time to stop caring. I choose to not care. I choose to live my life for me.

So, that being said, thanks a million Jeannie and Sam. Without friends, true friends, I wouldnt be to stay as sane as I do. If you can call how I am sane.

So yeah

Ok, I really need to learn to keep this thing updated. Anyway, I posted this on my Myspace page:


"Wow, its been a pretty hectic couple of days. Getting things cleaned, downsizing some stuff. Basically, trying to pair down the million and a half toys the girls have, and things like that.
So, the real reason for writing this. I got an email from Eric..and I lengthy one. He is glad that the situation with Toby has resolved itself. So am I. He is extremely upset with his division and the kick out section right now. Rather, the lack of a kick out section, actually. But, this is the part that brought a smile to my face. He finally gets it!
"... and if anyone else gets between us then they also can get lost, we are in the right here and i will not back down form it."
mmmmmm, if anyone else gets between us they can get lost...mmmm
You go boy!"

Can you tell that I am beyond happy with his current stance on that situation? Oh yes, and what a horrid situation it is. I can only imagine what they tell people. Not the truth of course, because if it was the truth they couldnt look like the victims. Oh well, karma will triumph in the end.

Now, to bigger and better things. Eric is taking almost 2 weeks leave the next time the boat comes into port. Woo hoo! We are planning on going back to Ohio for a visit and to get the house ready to sell. He emailed me "i have list of things i want to do when we et back to ohio, i don't have it planned out yet but i have a list. i need you to get in contact with a junk yard from back there and find out what condition will they buy a car/vehicle. i might have a person to sell the jeep to also. i know, i said i would not sell it but he is looking to restore a old jeep.so he will d!o it right. so i won't feel to bad about it." Ok, first off, a list of things? oh boy. I am guessing we are in for home improvement out the wazoo. Secondly, a junkyard? For what pray tell. The charger? Hrm. As for the Jeep, I was floored by this. He is selling his Jeep. Just insane. I guess spending all this time underwater really has had him re-evaluating his priorities.

I had a better weekend than I thought I would. Went to Sam's yard sale on Saturday morning. Got to see her and Jeannie. Went to the FRG event at Cows and Cones. (mmmmmm yummy ice cream) on Saturday afternoon. Then had a somewhat quiet evening at home. Sunday, took the kids to North Lake to the beach. Ken and Jeannie were there too. Thanks for the wonderful day guys. It was so relaxing and so what I needed.

Been thinking about whether or not we are actually going to do the whole BBQ thing for our anniversary. I am thinking that we will probably just cancel that whole train of thought and just see if someone can watch the kids for a day so we can spend some time alone. Time alone? blasphemy. :)

Oh, one more thing before I go......Eric shaved his head bald and has grown a mustache. Lord only knows what he looks like. I can only imagine, and its not good.